In the journey of motherhood the saying is “It takes a village.”

What exactly does that mean?
For some mothers it’s the support and help of family members, the other parent or maybe even friends.
However, what about the mother who may not have that village?

That is the conversation I want to have.

For that mom, more specifically a single mom, a lack of a village can be very overwhelming, scary and lonely.

Just to be clear, yes I understand that mothers as a whole often experience similar emotions. However, I am speaking from a single moms perspective as that is what I am.

Of course as mothers we have a responsibility to take care of our children. But when you are doing it “alone” it’s not an easy task. Mothers are looked on as super hero’s but the reality is we are actually human. Just as any other human we get tired, we need a moment, we want to socialize and more. But unfortunately a lot of those needs get overlooked when you don’t have a village and you are left to be a super hero. And Forget about expressing your feelings or emotions, society has been so cruel and told us that “this is what you signed up for.” Imagine that! There’s no mom that WANTS to do motherhood alone, there are just many moms that HAVE to.

But honestly, what does “this is what you signed up for” really mean? Does it mean we should feel punished? Does it mean we should be alone?

Once again, no mother intends to raise a child or children alone. Whether circumstances with the other parent are good or not. The truth is, if no other village is present, at least both parents should be. Yet, there are circumstances and scenarios that we just don’t have control over, and of course as a mother we just do what it is that we need to.

For the mother who doesn’t have the village that she would like to, I just wanted to send you a virtual embrace. I know how doing what you have to can take a mental and emotional toll on you. Through my personal journey I’ve come to realize that financials are not the entire battle.

We need to find ways to take care of our mental and emotional state. Without a village of people, it’s not the easiest. However, I believe I have come up with a few ways we can borrow a village to get a moment to ourselves…

If you can, take a day off from work, but send your child to school or daycare for the full day!

(Don’t do laundry, don’t do house chores and don’t run errands) Use that moment for some ME time.

Another way to borrow a village is to put your children in curricular activities. Maybe dance, girl or Boy Scouts, basketball etc. While they are there you can use that for quiet time as well.

Look for free weekend programs within the library or community organizations that you may also be able to leave your child for 1-2 hrs to attend.

For those with older children 9+ I think going outside for a 30 minute walk for some fresh air is definitely okay for some quick me time.

Mom, remember that you are human, not a super hero. If you feel like you lack a village of people I pray that you one day receive a village of compassion and a village of love for yourself. It’s okay to borrow that village and take the moment that you so truly deserve.

Once again, I’m sending you a virtual embrace.

Sincerely,

Nyjai’s Mom.